Sunday, 27 January 2013

Nostalgia: Tropical Break……Fast (survival)

Disclaimer: The Nostalgia series will feature old pieces unedited.


Sir Winston Churchill said:

"For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else." 

I am an optimist by nature and nurture , sometimes it’s a blessing, others it’s a curse. But in the end of the day there is always a valuable lesson. This is a series of journals/diary entries or what can be called a mere flow of thoughts. Some of it might not make sense to anyone, you might not be able to relate to it, but I do hope it leaves a trace.

Tropical Break……Fast (survival)

Dear Diary,

The refreshing aroma of the ever juicy papaya soared as my glistening silver knife pierced through its flesh, and I stabbed it with my fork preparing it to receive my fatal kiss. I paused, as the ocean breeze concealed my face with my loose scarf, threatening to blow it off. I tightened the grip of my veil around my head and turned my sight to the ocean that was trying to grab my attention.

The echo of the never ending conversation between the wind and the ocean tickled my eardrums. I placed the stabbed papaya down, stood up and followed the mysterious drive that led me to the water.

I stood, watching the monsoon waves crash vigorously on the damp sand. And as the tranquil shore scattered the powerful waters to frail drops, it hit me; something so quiet and stationary and clam can in fact break something so potent and mighty and such is life….

Nevertheless, the waves regenerated, just as strong, high and striking.

People ask me; How come you’re so optimistic? And I wish I had one answer that would make sense to the ever complex human mind, but I don’t since optimism is a projection of a much higher echelon of consciousness a combination of intellect, sentiments and circumstances. One of the many interpretations I have lies in the human nature. It the desire to survive, I believe that the desire to pull through hardships resides within every soul. However, some people don’t realize it does, other people don’t understand it, but most people in fact are clueless on how to actually survive.

The bottom line is, the need to survive enhances the hopes of making it.

“When there’s a will, there’s a way”.

Monday, 21 January 2013

Here's to Fluidity....

The world is not going to change, and neither will I....

When a problem arises someone would always focus on pointing fingers , figuring out who's fault it is as if that piece of information can contribute to the solution, and rather than figuring out what went wrong and how to remedy it , people tend of fixate on swinging blame until someone finally pleas guilty, and most times no one does. I don't know how I ended up in this position, the official guilt bin, and it's not that I get accused, I just admit to the fault so we could move on to the solution or just shut up altogether. With time that became the expectation , for me to step up but it acquired a fancy new term , and in the name of "taking responsibility" I sold myself short. Don't get me wrong I am not complaining, it works, most of the time and it serves it's purpose. I do not expect nor desire an appreciation of this trait of mine and I do what I do for my own peace of mind . What bothers me though is the fact that because of this , I somehow wound up with many labels that I do not appreciate . " Reckless" , "Naive" , "idiot", "fool" , "hypocrite" , and my all time favorite "attention seeker".
I really do not understand this world and I admit it. I am in pursuit of knowledge and I'll seek it to it's lair but people.... I gave up on them eight ways to Sunday!
If you're spontaneous and friendly, you come off needy and in need of constant approval.
If you're aloof and kept to yourself , you come off an arrogant loner.
If you're trusting, you're weak ,naive and pathetic.
If you're cautious , you're paranoid and pessimistic.
If you believe in human goodness, you're an idiotic dreamer.
If you don't , you're a depressive cynic.
If you love with all your heart, you're a stupid hopeless romantic who deserves the disappointments you've set yourself up for.
If you don't, you're a complicated deeply troubled and damaged person.
If you have strong beliefs and ideals, you're a fanatic.
If you don't , you're a sheep
If you listen to what people think of you , your confidence and self esteem are questioned.
If you don't, you're a stubborn rebel without a clue!

And the best part is, we are somehow conditioned to believe we have to take a pick, it has to be one thing or the other. We forget that the most basic perk of humanity is the fluidity!

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Bee Eye See Why See Elle EE


I've always been afraid of heights and moving things, whether they're moving towards me, near me or with me, specially with me! My mother's bouncy lap, my rocking cradle, swings, cars , a ball rolling to me, a toy car, an ant...etc . As I aged I overcame most of those fears but one, my fear of riding a bicycle.

There was always a bicycle around, tempting and flashy, always someone ready to take me on a ride and teach me how to enjoy this rather essential part of childhood, I was always too scared to try, I'd ring it's bell, wax it's rims and wash it's tyres and if I go on a ride with someone, I'd be sitting at the back, ready to jump out the minute it got wobbly, I thought that joy was never worth the risk of a scraped knee or a scratched elbow...

One day, I saw a bicycle that seemed like no other, almost like it was made for me, bright green like the dress of a generous farm , glimmering under the pilfered sun rays sifting through a beautiful big oak, standing proudly so close to the river as if checking its alluring reflection on water.  I was drawn to it, I got close, I admired it and my heart jumped at the thought of giving it a try, it was too beautiful to let pass. The thought grew so intense my heart was in my throat, I made the decision to give it a try , give it my all, my 100% effort and determination, zero caution and absolute impulse! Excited as I was, he fixed his grips on the bicycle , with a smile as if he had clutched a peace of heaven , he promised not to let go, I trusted him.

The  bicycle started moving fast at, it felt liberating, it felt right!  It slowed down , my legs were getting sore, I peddled harder but instead of going faster, the bicycle started to get wobbly and in the middle of that I realized he had let go of it I was on my own, I panicked. I tried to peddle but it only tipped the bicycle over and right into water. My clothes got wet, I put on a brave face and walked out of the water and joined everyone else who tried to comfort me while I constantly assured them I was alright. My clothes dried , life went on and that incident became a story, a story that breaks my heart every time I remembered it because even today as an adult I don't dare come near a bicycle, and I know for a fact that even if I saw a bicycle that catches my eye, my caution will always get in the way