Monday, 20 May 2013

The Honeymoon's over....

This piece was written ages ago as a part of a larger novel that is as of this moment remains unfinished...

She let out a long exhale after taking a very deep breath, as if expelling all her anguish and frustration, she knew it would happen and a part of her was looking forward to it but there was no amount of grounding that would prepare anyone to deal with the fact that the honeymoon was over, nothing prepares you for the first fight! Big or small, it comes with a lot of terror, uncertainty, frustration and most importantly, questions! Will we survive this fight? Is it a testimony of the fragility of our relationship? Did I really mean any of the things I said? Did he? Will it change the way we deal with each other? They say lovers’ spats are natural but how comes nothing about this feels natural?
She absentmindedly left the tap running as she recalled the events of last night, the anger was building up within her again, all the things she should have said and didn’t and all the things that were uncalled for but she failed to hold back, “He was pretty mean though” she whispered to herself before letting the streams of tears that were swelling up in her eyes run down her cheeks. 
She heard the sound of the bathroom door closing and realized he had woken up too, she turned off the water tap, dried her hands on her pajama bottoms and stood staring at the coffee pot, undecided on how to play out the morning routine, he makes the coffee and she makes the sandwiches and whomever is done dressing ends up doing the dishes, and him being the diva he was, she’d always do them! This morning was different, she didn’t try every tickling technique to wake him, they didn’t start their morning with kisses and wishes they didn’t have to be at work, he didn’t tease her about her puffy face and she didn’t pretend to be upset just so he’d shower her with clich├ęd sweet nothings. They didn’t take turns in hogging the mirror to brush their teeth and suggested to move to a place with two bathrooms, none of that!
It was 35 minutes before he emerged out of the bedroom, all dressed up to go to work , she was on the couch ,they made eye contact for a second and she looked away with a thousand thoughts running through her mind! “Should I say good morning or wait for him? What if he didn’t say it? What if he did? Should I answer back? He really was pretty mean! Will he make coffee or just pass by starbucks, if he made coffee should I make the sandwiches! How the hell do I do this!
His voice interrupted her train of obsessive thoughts, she looked at him and his face carried all the callousness and the seriousness he could muster, not a hint of a smile or a possibility of it! He didn’t wait for her answer and walked to the kitchen. She was caught off guard and by the time she had decided to reply, he had already walked away! “Morning”, she whispered to herself. He turned around and looked at her, she was still looking away, he shook his head and carried on.
Her brain continued to generate thoughts so conflicting and contradicting that it took her twice the usual time to get ready, she was however thankful it was a working day and they’ll both be at work all day and would not have to deal with each other.  
For the rest of the day, she continued to replay the fight and their morning interaction in her head.
He stared at the ceiling for what seemed to be forever, his left arm tucked under his head while his right arm is resting on his belly, he’d occasionally look at her side of the bed, cold and creaseless. He sighed in dissatisfaction as he replayed events of the previous night in his head, he had seen a side of her he didn’t know existed, he tried hard but he couldn’t recall a time he’s been that angry with anyone before, it usually takes a lot to anger him to the point of saying what he said and he never thought that she of all people would ever push him that far! He had played every scenario of their first fight in his head but none of them was even remotely related to what took place!  
He sat up and looked at the digital clock on the nightstand, 10 minutes to 6! He lit a cigarette and sat up on  the bed with his bare feet touching the cold floor, he closed his eyes as he took a long drag of his cigarette, listening to the faint sound of water running in the kitchen, “sogood!” he thought to himself and a smile escaped his control! He was thankful he was alone in the room and she didn’t see him caving, because to him that was the explanation of the smile!
He put out his cigarette and walked to the bathroom. The warm water washed down all the negativity he woke up soaked in, he wanted this to pass, he didn’t know how but he didn’t want to be mad at her anymore, and somehow, all the anger seemed but a silly overreaction, he tried to remember why the argument started, whether it was worth it or not, but all he could think of was that he wanted them to move past this!
He finally walked out of the bedroom to find her sitting on the couch, their eyes met, a part of him wanted to take her in his arms, say “let’s quit this nonsense” and carry out the morning routine, but his stubborn male ego only allowed him to let the word “Morning” out! He froze for a split second which felt like a million years waiting for a response and when it didn’t come he walked away, as a timid “morning” caught up with his ears, he turned around but she wasn’t looking, frustrated with her passiveness he carried on.
For the rest of the day, he kept busy, forcibly dismissing any thoughts relating to the fight!

He came home later than usual, and a delicious aroma of spices mixed with a tantalizing scent of incenses burning in a corner somewhere greeted him at the door, he walked in following the aroma to the kitchen where she stood, in her work outfit, placing the last layer of “gurasa” on a plate. She noticed him observing her with a blank expression on his face, indifferent! The truth is, he was struggling not to smile and at the same time battling a voice in his head telling him that it will take more than this. She walked to him and reached for his hand and smiling she said “ I know it is going to take more than this, but at least it’s a start no?” , He looked at her with the same blank expression as she lowered her gaze and sighed in frustration, she led him by the hand to the living room, they were finally on the couch, it was a few minutes before he spoke, “ what do you think you’re doing?” he said callously. Her eyes were now swollen with tears, she looked away as he demanded she looks at him, still looking away her voice came shaking as she choked on her own tears “ I am apologizing but you should know I am not apologizing for getting mad, you were a complete jerk and your words were very hurtful!” ,  “is this your first apology? “ he interrupted, “ Because you suck at it” , she turned to him, tears soaking her face but a pilfered smile has found its way to her lips , “ I don’t want to ever do this again!” she muttered before throwing herself into his arms!
“Look” he said while wrapping his arms around her, “ it will happen again, this is not our last fight, I certainly do hope it isn’t! you just need to understand, it’s difficult , it’s like we’re getting to know each other all over again and we need to both be very strong, we both said horrible things , and it is scary to realize we are capable of saying such things to each other” , she lifted her head from his chest, wiped her tears and said “ you’re right , I can’t promise you that I’ll never be a bitch again, but I promise that whatever happens, I will never sleep on this couch again!” , he let out a laugh and printed a kiss on her forehead “3aweera , let’s eat”  , he got up and extended his hand to help her up, she reached to grab his hand but hesitated at the last minute, she looked at him and said “ Only if you promise that we’ll talk this out”, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up , “ But first we eat!” 

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